Last night I spent the evening in the company of some truly amazing women when I attended the official launch of the What I See Project, an innovative online venture founded by Edwina Dunn one half of the husband and wife team behind the hugely successful TescoClubCard scheme. There were perhaps 200 women or so at the event held at the Science Museum in London, women from all sorts of fields, from science, to politics, fashion to sport and everything in between… in fact I felt like a complete traitor to my gender for not knowing who many of these phenomenal women were.
So why was I there I hear you ask?
Well a few months ago I received an email asking if I would like to get involved as one of 100 online contributors (ie bloggers) being recruited to help raise the profile of this venture. All I had to do was record a video answering the simple question “what do I see when I look in the mirror” and help promote the project via my online community…simple. And if truth be known I was quite flattered to be asked. Did this signify me actually taking myself seriously as a blogger and dare I say it a writer?
You can see my video and read about my views on the subject here, you may already have seen this post in fact and maybe it even prompted you to think about what you see when you look in the mirror at your reflection. But as part of the event we watched a film featuring a number of very successful females who were taking part in the project, talking about how they fought for their positions in male orientated fields such as science and academia, or women that were challenging the negative perception of women as “only” mothers and caregivers and it really made me think that I had not really given the subject enough consideration, I had only really scratched the surface of this intriguing subject.
Since becoming a mum at the beginning of this year I have been forced to rethink about my identity and role as a woman. I have found myself flipping between absolute love and joy for the new position I have just filled, and then total fear and desperation that I have all of a sudden lost all of the things which made me unique as a woman, as my life becomes seemingly all about routine and conformity, oh and of course housework, piles of washing (that is not mine) and the endless purchasing of nappies and babywipes.
The actress Angela Griffin kickstarted the film talking powerfully about her relationship with her two daughters and how the world is different for them growing up, already being judged by the way they look, what they wear etc. I am determined that my gorgeous little Rosie grows up knowing that it is her actions, her thoughts, her deeds that will make her beautiful and not what designer brand she is sporting, how full her lips are or what the ratio of her hip to bust measurements are. I want her to at least ponder upon the opportunity to become an astronaut or a civil engineer, or a tree surgeon if she so wishes. That she doesn’t have to pick up her husbands socks or be solely responsible for arranging childcare.
It is so easy to fall into gender roles and to become part of the problem by accepting them. But someone last night made me look at things quite differently, she believes that these days “we have it all” we have the ability to do it all, everything that men can do plus a whole heap that they can’t. Nobody is saying it is easy, we all know that much is true, but the skills that we learn through continually being the underdog, having to juggle priorities and putting our own needs aside puts us in good stead for eventually reaching our goals, if that is of course we stick with it and say yes to opportunities when they arise. What this lady said really struck a cord with me, and then she quoted Nelson Mandella who said “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” however when I searched for this quote this morning to make sure it was accurate I found that in fact this was a quote from someone else, a woman would you believe.
The full quote reads “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” and it can be found in the book A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles by Marianne Williamson.
Now I am not going to go into the ins and outs of why a man is taking the credit for this powerful speech, or how this misquote came about thats a whole new blog post and one which I do not have the time to research properly but I am going to tell you instead about a further occasion when this concept of being scared of success was presented to me.
I was at a fitness weekend called 3Ness with some friends, it was like a bootcamp but without the crap stuff…a weekend full of fantastically unique exercise classes and seminars, but then each evening they would host a full blown clubnight, including one in fancy dress with alcohol and everything!! Right up my street right? Well one of the seminars on offer was about weightloss and was hosted by a guy called Lawrence Brown someone who was morbidly obese who had lost significant amounts of weight using the Cambridge Plan, he now works as a consultant and advocate for the programme and is a truly motivational speaker. He asked the room of mainly women how many of us had been on a diet and had relative success, to which most of us held up our hands, he then asked how many of us got to goal and now there were only a few hands left up. He asked us what stopped us from getting there. He asked about the feelings we have once we have lost a few stone when we look in the mirror and say “yeah I look ok”, even thought we know we still have some way to go, when we say “yeah I can have that burger, or that chocolate” because we are not as big as we were, and its not that much of an issue anymore. He asked us “What are we scared of”, and “why didn’t we see it through to the end…to goalweight?”. He figures it is because we are scared of being a success.
I often ask myself how come I have never got to goal, and if I am being honest with myself I am scared. I am scared of lots of things. I am scared that people won’t see me anymore, I’m scared I will have to buy a whole new wardbrobe. I’m scared that I would put it all back on and then feel like a real failure. I’m scared that I will be judged on my looks rather than what I have to say…which is crazy because I’m sure people do that because of my weight anyway. I am also scared that if I don’t have my extra body weight to think about, talk about…do something about then I would perhaps be at a loose end with nothing to focus and dare I say it moan about.
Just think about how many millions of women around the world look in the mirror and all they see is the extra pounds of weight they want to lose. How sad that instead of looking deeper at their reflection into the true person that they are, instead they are satisfied with the superficial image that tells them what they apparently need to know. Even feminist campaigner Caroline Criado-Perez admits when first asked the “what do I see when I look in the mirror” question her first response was to say “the few pounds I need to lose” and that from the woman who has managed to get the bank of england to put Jane Austin on our banknotes.
So what has this got to do with running?
Well…do you know how often I hear people say “oh I could never run a marathon”, how the hell do you know that? It infuriates me. Why are you limiting yourself by your own thoughts and beliefs about yourself. You can run a marathon, you can improve your running times, you can lose your weight, you can live a healthier more meaningful life…you can be great. You just need to believe that you can and not be scared of your own greatness. Take a look in the mirror today, really look at yourself and think about just how wonderful you are.
My name is Julie and today I am GREAT!!!!
Related articles
- Scared Shitless (theliteraryhangover.wordpress.com)
- Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson (journeysinwriting.com)
- What I See When I Look in the Mirror (fatgirlsguidetorunning.com)
- I could never run a marathon (fatgirlsguidetorunning.com)
- Can I call you a FAT BITCH?? (fatgirlsguidetorunning.com)
- One Big Fat Run Campaign (fatgirlsguidetorunning.com)