A photographer from my local newspaper arrived last week to take some photographs of me in action for a story they wanted to run about my nomination for the UK Blog Awards. So the young trendy chap turns up with all his kit and as we walk round to a suitable location for the pics he says “So you are a plus size model then?” To which I laughed heartedly.
I could never be a model for the following reasons…
- I am too self conscious about my body
- I don’t like wearing outfits other people have selected for me
- I have a weird (uneven) shape
- I don’t like myself in photographs
Wow that all sounds so negative.
And its funny because when I look at plus sized models in print or on TV I always think they look great, full of confidence in clothes that fit their well proportioned bodies. I never feel like I look that happy or confident in front of the camera.
When I was younger I did a bit of catwalk modelling for a local modelling agency, we mainly did clubs around London and we were once the entertainment during the judging section of the Miss Commonwealth UK competition, but I had bags of confidence then.
More recently Fabian and I went to get some pictures done to celebrate our engagement. We thought it would be nice to have something to look back on when we are old and wrinkly. It was just before I ran the London Marathon so it was the slimmest I’d been in ages, plus I had the benefit of good lighting, having my hair and make up done and of course a professional photographer. I enjoyed the experience but I was very critical of the pictures, scrutinising every blemish and fold of skin.
Why do I find it so hard to accept the way I look?
Its funny, because I do actually love clothes though, and I love make up, and accessories and getting my hair done and all that, but since becoming a mum all of this has become less and less of a priority. These days I am lucky if I have on clean clothes and have brushed my hair. But this has to stop as I am turning into a slob.
If I am not in workout gear which is like 70% of the week, then I am in PJs…and occasionally, very occasionally I venture out to visit friends or do a bit of shopping and I generally go for a uniform of jeans and a jumper, and not particularly stylish ones at that.
And lets not talk about the state of my hair at the moment.
So whats my problem
- I am broke and can’t afford to go out and buy a new wardrobe or get a new hairdo
- I wouldn’t know where to start even if I did, because I am a mum now and desperately need some style advice
- My life is kind of in transition, so I am not even sure what kind of clothes I need for my developing life
I have a wardrobe full of clothes ranging from a size 16 to a size 20, clothes I really don’t want to throw out. I have piles of ill-fitting jeans, practical layered clothes for warmth, a whole draw full of bright holiday clothes, maxi dresses etc and then a whole heap of really nice dresses for going out. But the problem is I don’t go out, and on the odd occasion I do it doesn’t feel right to wear a sexy dress.
In the past I used to really look forward to a night out, or a day at the races, or a wedding or, you know any occasion that required a bit of dressing up. I think in life there are far too few opportunities to get dolled up. But that is about to change for me because…
This blog…The Fat Girls Guide to Running has been shortlisted in the UK Blog Awards. That’s right, from a list of about 50 nominations in the health category, I am now in a final list of 11 blogs that are now being assessed by a panel of judges.
And there is an awards night.
A posh glamorous affair in a central London venue where I will have to appear presentable at least. In my mind I am picturing a red carpet, paparazzi and stepping on stage to rapturous applause to accept my award, but in reality I know the competition is tough so it is unlikely I will win and in fact the event will just be a fun night out and a chance to network.
But either way I want to look good.
Does anyone else have this problem when it comes to being a mum, or overweight, or generally a little unglamorous?? Did your style change. Do you feel a little lost. Where do you go for help? Are there any brands that are a must for you??
I need your help!!!
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