Slapped on my Fat Arse

Picture the scene. It’s 8.15am the alarm goes off, I creep out of bed trying not to wake my 11 week old baby and my snoring fiancé. I put on my running gear, set my iPod to shuffle and head out into the bright sunshine.

I was running at quite a slow (but steady) pace, but even still I thought I would make it more than 300 meters from my front door. But for once it wasn’t my lack of fitness or my lack of motivation that interrupted my planned 5k, it was 4 lads in skinny jeans who clearly hadn’t made it home yet from the night before.

The moment I saw them I knew there would be trouble, but I kept going put my head down, didn’t make eye contact and i was secretly quite glad that my IPod would be drowning out their hurtful comments… what I wasn’t expecting though was the firm slap to my right buttock which I sustained as I passed them.

The little bugger slapped my arse!!!

That was it…the headphones come out and I swore profusely at the culprit, “so you think you’re funny?”, the guy in question was in his twenties at a guess, of medium build in grey slim fit trousers, trainers and a light brown hoodie…a description I took pleasure in relaying to the 999 operator.

The boys had walked off round the corner by this point, one of the lads apologised and begged me not to call the police, but the group headed quite swiftly towards the DLR station disappearing before the police arrived.

I knew they were long gone, but driving around in the back seat of the police car looking for the suspect was quite exciting. The 2 coppers probably had a right old laugh, but they were very professional in front of me at least. A report will be filed and CCTV footage will be reviewed.

I know they will never catch the guy, but it’s the principle of it. It’s hard enough for me to motivate myself to get up and run as it is right now, and i can just about put up with sniggers, funny looks and comments…but physical humiliation that’s taking it to a whole new level.

My partner was fuming when I came home and told him what happened, but after calming down attempted to make me feel better by saying “it’s only cos you have such a nice bum”, which of course is not true. But as I said to my sister when relaying the story, I usually like to know the name of the men slapping my arse, or at least hope for them to hang around after the event for some cuddles 🙂

On a serious note though, I am pretty peeved that immature idiots like this think its ok to use me as a butt (tee hee) of their joke, and the fact that I didn’t end up doing my planned run has annoyed me too!!

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